Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Disney + IceCube = Apocalypse

In a discussion with my husband about whether past homophobic, classically remembered, stand up material now warrants Eddie Murphy to usher in Disney 'family-oriented' Fun as a well meaning and <dare I use the word?> snarky Donkey, I couldn't help but wonder how one makes such a spectacular ascension to mainstream America. Unless you consider in IceCube, whose former musical ditties such as 'Straight out of Compton' and 'F*ck the Police' are a stone's throw from the 'Are We There Yet?' franchise in originality these days, but you have to admit you'd be judged on the parenting skill for endorsing the former music samples as suitable for children. They're undeniably damn catchy songs, but if your kids were exposed to them you'd probably cringe a bit, after you ceased wanting to hit whomever was listening in their earshot with a bat.

Before anyone jumps all over me, it's really not that both these "actors" are African American. I know the most racist thing a fat, white, American guy can say these days is "I'm not a racist", so alas, my hands are tied and I'm going to have to let my real life actions justify any kind of assumptions and cross the threshold of name calling and mud slinging. What's the worst thing that could happen? Sticks and Stones, so they say, May Break My Bones. Words do hurt, and for some reason some stories last forever, factual or otherwise.

 Having such a successful pr team to reinvent yourself should probably be available for mass consumption, I'm sure I know of people who'd love to shed the skin of their former past. <This of course being a 'snake' euphemism and in no way related to color or creed. After all, let's face it; Snakes come in many more interesting and dazzling colors than humans and they do, in fact, regularly shed their skins.> Want to know more? Google it, or better still? Go to the library and support the fact that it's open to share information and not just a place where 'hobo's' go to take 'ho baths'; Pun intentionally made.

If the common man can be held accountable for the events leading to their nicknames and rumors that follow from childhood to their 25th high school reunion <and counting>, what secrets of evolution need to be uncovered to justify the reinvention of any one's personality, past history, or what was then rated NC17 now being completely acceptable to the General Audience if there is a rating system <and I cautiously suggest there is>?

I'm nearly sure that just like the Eddie Murphy 'Blue' album where he's in his blue leather suit, and which for some unexplainable reason you can't find anywhere anymore in a world where EVERYTHING is available on EBay or Amazon.Com., tales don't need to be commercially available. The past exploits of the common man don't need formal documentation. They survive rather in Urban Legend  rather than constant radio airplay or television saturation. Of the many examples, the ones that jump immediately to mind are the internally factually based reasons I never bought another Rod Stewart album after 1977 and still believe that kid Mikey in the LIFE cereal commercials is dead because he ate POP Rocks and drank COKE at the same time. I'm pretty sure I don't need to explain why I believe these things to anyone in my age group; This information isn't available in books or on video but is believed based of how old I was when I heard it, and the credibility I granted to the person sharing it.

History, they say, is damned to repeat itself. I, however, can't help questioning the Bible or most events I've read historical accounts for when it's currently ingrained in my logic that in some future eulogy, memoir, or E Hollywood Story some serious, honest, damning truth will be omitted. It's not the writer's I blame, I save blame for the editors and wonder about the motives; At the same time? I sometimes wonder where the hell in the Yellow Pages these editors are listed, and what the current rates are to legendarily and metaphorically 'Wipe Your Slate Clean'. No, not for me.... it's for a friend.  :)